Chapter Two

“With a chicken?” he choked, “how’d you manage that?”

Worzels Rata beer must have had a bit of a kick as Stu started slurring his words and the story was getting more outrageous by the minute.

Worzel had a knowing grin on his face and was taking great pleasure in pointing out the holes in Stu’s yarn.

“You must a plucked a heap of possums to fill a container up.”

“Very near wore me fingers out, didn’t have none of them plucking machines back then neither.“

“Not surprised, no one was buying fluff back in the 80’s only skins.” said Worzel with an ‘I got ya’ look plastered all over his ugly mug.

Stu had a long draught of his brew, giving his brain time to come up with another lie. It didn’t take long.

“Just shows you how cunning them Chinese blokes are, smartest race on the planet if you ask me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Coz they stockpiled fluff before it was worth big money, that’s why.”

I could see Worzel was on the scent of a good argument and did my best to distract him.

“So this big Marijuana patch you were talking about, what happened?”

“I took it out, that’s what happened.”

Worzel started giggling. “I suppose you kungfu’d all them gang blokes and burnt the marijuana down by rubbing two sticks together.”

Stu glared at him, “Stuff ya then. A man risks his life to protect all them school kids from the weed, and this is how ya reward him.”

Doing his best to look wounded, he had another chug of Worzels brew.

“I’m just yanking your chain Stu, go on, tell us how you did it.”

Stu held out his baked bean can. Top me up, and I’ll tell you. Worzel reluctantly filled it, the rata beer supply was getting dangerously low “So how’d you do it, Stu?”

“With a chook.”

Worzel’s beer went down the wrong hole.

“With a chicken?” he choked, “how’d you manage that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Yeah, I would, or that’ll be your last beer.”

Stu looked pleased his tale was worthy of blackmail.

“Well, now. I found their camp, they was living in the old fire fighting shed, the place was pretty flash, and there were blue jeans and tattoos all over the show. Big shiny hogs was parked outside, and even their woman looked like they could eat a bloke alive. Stu, I said to me-self, you got a do something about these mongrels. So I rolled meself a smoke and had a bit of a watch and a bit of a think. A couple of evil looking fellows was wandering around with a couple of them Ak machine gun things. A lesser man would have packed it in, but I couldn’t stop thinking about all the kiddies these mutts would ruin with their electric puha.”

Stu held out his empty baked bean can with an expectant look on his dial.

“Not much left.” said Worzel, pouring the dregs of his brew from an old fuel container.

“Not a bad brew Worzel, still got a bit of 2 stroke flavour in it, though. Will bring you a clean container next time I pay you a visit.”

“You’re a real mate,” sneered Worzel, “Make sure there’s something in it.”

It looked like they were about to lock horns again, so I got Stu back onto his yarn.

“ So what did you do Stu?”

“Yeah,” said Worzel, did ya beat them up with a rooster like that Samson fella?”

While Worzel giggled away to himself, Stu had a sip of his brew and winked at me. “I’ll tell you the rest when that fool goes for his yearly bath in the creek, smells like it’s long overdue.”

Worzel pretended not to hear and waved the fuel container in Stu’s direction. Stu was good at social cues.

“Must o been 50 of them gang blokes coming and going and if a man got caught he’d a ended up deader than a week old corpse. Could a gone home and grabbed me 303, but it only held 10 rounds, and then they’d a had me. Those blokes was all ex-cons and I know what they’d do to a handsome bloke like me before they cut me throat. Na, 303 weren’t no good. Then I had a brainwave, it was such a good idea it even impressed me.”

“So this is where the chook comes in?” I asked. He certainly had me curious.

“Yeah,” he said, draining his can.”

Worzel promptly filled it, sensing this yarn might just be worth stealing.

More on Stu’s yarn in the next blog.

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