Chapter Four

Worzel had his 'Hurry up I've got a yarn to tell' look on his face. It looked like we were in for a double session as Stu still had to finish his.

"So what did you do next Stu? I asked, eager to hear Stu out and get onto Worzel's yarn.

"Well now, I had the camp all to meself, so thought I'd teach them blokes a lesson or two. They was messy fellas and had gear all over the show. Found some brake fluid and an old spray bottle with polish in it and it gave me an idea. 'Now Stu,'I says, ' them miserable hounds has bought them big flash motorbikes by selling drugs. And look how shiny they is. They must spend hours and hours polishing them.'

So I tipped the polish out and filled it with brake fluid and gave them nice shiny hogs a  bit of a spray.

Worzel had a good old cackle. "Serves em right, that would a given them something to bleat about."

I didn't believe a single word but didn't want to ruin the night by calling Stu a liar.

"So what did you do next?"I asked.

"After I sprayed them hogs, I found meself a slasher and went to work on their crop. Took all night and I was poked by the time I'd cut down all them dope plants.

"Well, you taught them fellas a lesson," said Worzel, "Reminds me of the time...."

"Hold your horses, I ain't finished yet."

"Well hurry up, what did you do next, burn their camp down or something?"

"Nope, they sprung me."

"Who?  Them gang members?"

"No, the government."

"The government?"

"Yeah." Stu was doing his best to look solemn, but I could see a twinkle in his eyes.  He had Worzel wanting to hear more of his yarn and that was what the game was all about.

"I got a bit careless coz of all them gang blokes being crook. After I chopped down their weed I had a bit of a kip and got woked up by a copper."

"They'd ah been pleased you done their work for them." Said Worzel.

"Nah, like I said, they was in with them gang blokes. The country was going broke coz of the governments Think Big projects and the elections woz coming up. They wanted the cash to tidy up the books."

"I remember them days." said Worzel, " So what did they do, chuck you in the slammer?"

"They woz going to. They took me to the police station in Coromandel and gave me wot for. Told me they woz going to throw the book at me coz Muldoon got mad enough to spit nails when he found out wot I done."

"But you hadn't done nothing illegal."

"Didn't stop them crooked cops, they said they woz going to charge me with growing all that terrible weed what I chopped down. Said  I woz processing it for sale and that I would be going to jail for so long that I'd better take a casket with me."

"Rotten hounds. So why aren't you in prison?"

"They'd found out about all the money I'd made from plucking possums. Said Muldoon would let me off if I signed it over to the government. I know what happens to good looking blokes like me when they go to jail, so I didn't have no choice. Took every last cent they did, that's why I'm skint and Muldoon got back in again."

"So it was your fault," Said Worzel with a sneer."

"Nothing wrong with Muldoon." I said, "At least he made politics interesting".

I promptly received a ten-minute lecture from Worzel and Stu on the evils of the National Party as they told me in no uncertain terms that any possumer worth his salt voted labour. I wasn't in the mood for an argument so decided to save it for later.

Satisfied they had reeducated me, Stu went for a leak while Worzel chucked some wood on the fire and I  swung the billy.

When Stu returned, Worzel cracked his knuckles as he prepared for round two. He seemed quite impressed with Stu's yarn and it would take some beating.

He didn't disappoint. But more on that some other time.


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